Category Archives: family

a few thoughts on family

June 26, 2015

thoughts on family // forage + fodder

as we enter the home stretch of this pregnancy, more and more often i find myself pondering what it means to be a family. while sipping my morning coffee, i try to imagine what mornings will soon look like in this house – and what i want them to look like as this little girl grows up. naturally it brings me back to my own childhood experience and i’ve realized a few things that i want to bring with me into raising my own daughter.

every family has its own type of crazy. if i can accept this early, i’ll do just fine. often i witness the role of motherhood bear down the weighty expectation of ‘perfection’ on the women around me. i think it’s important to acknowledge right now that i will not be a perfect mother and we will not have a perfect family. and yes, even if we haven’t noticed it yet, our own unique type of crazy will emerge at some point. and yet, knowing how loony my family can be, when i think back on being a kid, it felt pretty damn fantastic to me. the chaos wasn’t chaos, it was just us being fun and awesome.

my parents were not perfect. at times they let me down, and they let each other down. but they loved us fiercely and they never stopped trying, and most importantly, they modeled for me that perfection is not worth being in constant pursuit of nor is it meant to be our measuring stick of success…  i was taught that joy can be found in simplest of moments. and because of this, i had an incredibly joyful childhood. my memories of the challenges and obstacles faced sit in good company with memories of campfires with s’mores in the driveway and over the top themed birthday parties orchestrated on a budget.

and lastly, the photo above which i recently discovered at my parent’s house. taken at one of their epic new year’s eve parties (which also happens to be my mother’s birthday) where they were hip enough to let my brother and i run around in our pjs until the countdown before being sent to bed. it is my very favorite, because it is a very real and accurate portrayal of our exuberant madness. here’s to seeking happiness over perfection, and family portraits that reflect real life.

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fathers + daughters

June 21, 2015

fathers + daughters // forage + fodderthe mr. and i created an email account for lil’ bug the week we found out we were pregnant. often we send her thoughts and promises, but sometimes just funny stories from pregnancy, or things we want to be sure that she knows about her parents. so on father’s day, i just had to share this note from the mr. because the bond between fathers + daughters is a complicated and beautifully special one:

hey sweet girl,

i understand the importance of not focusing on how cute, nice or pretty you are, not that you aren’t those things, but because you are so much more than those things, and you can be anything you want. but, i had to at least say it this time, because this is the first email i’m writing you where i have known you are a girl…and i’m so excited.

in a way I think i’ve always known that you’ve been a girl, or i’ve at least expected that you would be a girl. your mother says that i’m going to be a great dad for a girl. not that i wouldn’t be a great dad for a boy, but that girls need good dads.

i think i understand what she means, but to make sure that you and i are on the same page, i’m going to write what i think that means to me.

this list is in no particular order:

i promise to be there to pick you up when you fall…or at least when you will let me.

i promise to hold you when you are hurting, and not ask who i need to go hurt…until you ask me to.

i promise to support you and help you grow in whatever your heart desires…even if i don’t understand it.

i promise to show you what real love, care, and support look like, by loving your mother.

i promise to be a real person with real emotions, a lot of emotions, both good and bad…sorry in advance for the bad ones.

(as a side note, i’m an extremely emotional guy, like commercials can bring me to tears emotional. when i found out that you were a girl my heart exploded in the doctors office…so did my tear ducts. then seeing you on the sonogram was life changing. you are amazing.)

i promise to share my hobbies and interests with you, not just the ones that are “appropriate for little girls”.

i promise to listen when you need someone to talk to, and i mean really listen, not just listen so that i can then talk.

i promise to talk when you need me to, give advice, tell stories, or just tell you i love.

i promise to treat you like the unique and truly amazing gift that you are.

i promise to not spoil you and make you think that you are better than anyone else.

i promise to love you like you need, not always like you want.

i hope this list doesn’t sound trite. it’s all from the heart my beautiful, smart, strong, creative daughter.

i love you already and always will,

dad, daddy, pop…whatever you want to call me is fine with me.